Our job

The post:

When I commented on the post, I wrote:

"I see the point, but I wouldn't call it brilliant. It was clumsy, and didn't accomplish what he set out to do; all he really did was hurt her unnecessarily, and make himself feel superior. The both of them are caught in their trips, seems to me. I see what he was trying to do, but he did it in a harmful way, and didn't contribute to her growth at all. His own ego got him, and his own addiction to self-righteousness. The ego is an insidious bugger, and strikes us even when we think we're in the right (especially when we think that!). Drilling through our illusions is serious stuff. This was an example of a weak, amateur attempt at philosophical surgery, and he botched it."

I was asked if I had ideas for other ways to approach (because, it was asserted, only hurting someone can cut through such delusion). I do. But let's analyze that question first.

The first thing that question takes for granted is that the job of correcting her behavior should be taken on. This is the ego talking, the ego setting us up as superior to her, knowing that we have the correct way of behaving and we need to show her the error of her ways, and guide her to be better. We don't have any business setting ourselves up as a guide for others' actions. This is only our ego's need to feel superior manifesting. If she is spiritual bypassing, it is not our job to correct her. She's got her own path to walk. Her path is none of our business. Our business is to set our own boundaries. Correcting her, teaching her, guiding her is not our job.

That said, yes, there are ways to get through to someone like her. Martin's chosen methods were terrible and obviously did not succeed at all. (Except in getting her to stop -- he did succeed in getting her to stop, in a very destructive, hurtful way.) That kind of philosophical surgery is extremely delicate, and should only be taken on by very skilled practitioners. Most people aren't that skilled. Most people should not attempt to do it, as they will succeed at it about as well as Martin did.

I will describe better approaches in blogs to come.